I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize