she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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