she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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