We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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