I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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