there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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