Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
