I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
