So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well I just put wine in my tea
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
