I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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