I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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