ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
