there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize