I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
no you cant smoke seaweed
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
