just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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