Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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