I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
