the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The Olympian is in my bed
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