then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
