im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Me too!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
