The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize