Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
