When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
