My balls are so social today.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
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And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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