We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
