i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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