There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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