We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
