it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
