Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
