just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
