But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
