You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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