i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
