You really coming over, don't trick.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
