Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize