i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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