I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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