cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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