i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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