i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
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i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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