Swine flu is the new snow day.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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