i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
