at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
