the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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