If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've blown a few things in my day
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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