Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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