A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
