I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
