Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
