yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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