To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
