It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
