I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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