i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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