I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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