Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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