The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
