Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
