This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
