Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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