ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
