in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
