Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
