No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
