Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
