you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
