Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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