I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
