i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
