My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
