Betty ford says i'm here all night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
