Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
