I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
