I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
