I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
