Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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