I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
