It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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