Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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