My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
