He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
