mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
