If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
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